Yesterday - Today


Nuance

12:20, 18 April 2003

I was thinking a lot about how Piyush said he "cares" about me. Semantically, it's an interesting word choice. "Like" is the default word one would use in such a situation, the word overused to the point of meaninglessness--like saying someone is "nice" or that something is "interesting". So choosing a different word requires an active step, an appreciation of the nuance.

"Care" is a word that evokes nurturing, protecting, supporting and not wanting the cared-for one to be hurt or sad in any way. Some have thought that it's a bit early for him to tell me he cares about me (which is, in my estimation, at least one notch above "liking" me, which is what he said Saturday night at the Pig n' Whistle). I agree, to an extent, which is probably why I grilled him about it instead of accepting the compliment graciously.

Normally when guys move too fast, I get really threatened and freaked out. But "care" is such a gentle word. It has absolutely no sexual connotations at all. It doesn't put expectations on me to do/say/feel anything that I don't want to. Even though it may have been early for him to feel/reveal this caring, it didn't bother me at all.

We also talked about what I think Piyush likes about me and why he thinks I'm care-worthy. I'm very good at knowing why guys are attracted to me, since that's the currency I've been trading with since the beginning of college. Countless of hookups later, I've pretty much figured out that I can get almost any guy to drunkenly kiss me in the back of a bar, at least, and at most, can get guys to check me out in the street.

When it comes to figuring out what guys like about me personality-wise, I'm at a loss. With Piyush, I know that his feelings aren't based on attractiveness (although I'm sure it doesn't hurt that I don't look like Quasimoto), since we never noticed each other until I started hanging out with his group of friends. I mean, I've seen him around school and vice versa, but it wasn't like he made a dent in my consciousness. We just sort of started to get to know each other and then liked each other more and more.

I'm used to assuming guys like me for what I look like and how I flirt with them. But now... I know he likes me for other reasons, but I just don't know what. Maybe my sense of humour, like how I can dish out shit and also take it? Maybe our common international globetrotting backgrounds? I don't know. Again, I wish he would make me a list.

I just had to call the lazy dumbass to wake him up so we could go study. Who the heck sleeps until 12:30 in the afternoon? I just don't get it. But then again, who the heck gets up at 7:00 without an alarm? Right. Anyway, we're going to study and I really hope that segues into some Friday night activity. I don't necessarily have to go out and drink... even if we just had some dinner and watched TV at his place, I'd be happy with that. But he's so concerned about studying for exams that I worry he'll just want to study really late and not want to do anything with me. We'll see what happens.


Last Five Entries
Cheeryface - 30 July 2003
Belli Denuntiatio - 27 July 2003
Weird - 27 July 2003
Runty Jew - 26 July 2003
Small World - 26 July 2003

Choose an Entry at Random


Do you like me? Validate my existence by taking my survey.
If you really like me you can vote for me as one of the Top 100 diaries on Diaryland.

My review from Geek Reviews.
My review from Quite Nasty Reviews.
My review from Wickedly Good Reviews.
My review from Sweet Reviews.

Visitors:

new old email guestbook profile evilgnome designs diaryland