Sundae Surprise

23:53, 24 April 2003

All my anxieties, unfounded again. How surprising.

After the computer lab, I still had an hour to kill before an International Law Association cocktail party I had to be at, and Piyush still hadn't called, so I gave in to the brownie sundae urge. I was leaving the law building to go get it when he called. He told me he was at Commons, which is, incidentally, where I was heading to get the sundae, although I didn't tell him that. I went over to meet him and when I got there he'd bought me a brownie sundae. "They had peanut butter: your favourite!" he said. Can you believe how freaking adorable that is? He knew my favourite flavour. And that I wanted Oreos on top. Sigh. And I was worried he thought I was too into him. Please, Self. Get a grip.

After our sundaes, we went back to the law school and as we were walking he had is arm around my waist (and mine around his), walking as if we were together! I mean, we are, but still... he's never done that move in the daytime when we're sober. Maybe he gets nervous, too? Needless to say I was trying very hard to stay in glowworm territory and not break into the doughboy stratosphere.

I went to my cocktail party. I promised Piyush I wouldn't drink but I had two rum and diet Cokes anyway. Sigh. Bad karma. I also ate my bodyweight in free Mexican snacks we had there: chicken taquitos, cheese quesadillas, mini-burritos, chips and salsa, etc.

Piyush just called. Second time tonight. We speak every day, more than once per day, not counting IMs or seeing each other in person. And I was worried he thought I was wanting to spend too much time with him. Again, Self, get a grip.

Talking to him just now, I recalled that last night Air Supply was playing as we were hooking up and he starts singing "Every Woman in the World" to me. Fucking cute. I know I'm making you all vomit. I have to sleep now; tomorrow's a big study day with P-funk. I swear, studying is only bearable because I get to be in his presence all day. He is going to be very good for my GPA! Maybe Mom will like him then, instead of being a closed-minded twat.

Shirts and Skins

14:56, 24 April 2003

I just got off the phone with Kristen, so the freak-out fit I had originally planned to write in here is averted, for now. Despite the awesome time I had with Piyush last night, I still found a way to have a total anxiety attack about the most irrational thing. I'm sure you're surprised.

So yesterday I was at the library, trying to study for exams, and God conspired against me. There happened to be a kegger outside in the courtyard. And a cocktail party right next to the library. And Manbir asking me if I wanted to go grab a beer. Of course I did. So a beer turned into three and then Manbir and I ditched the library. Mr. Loose Lips told me all Piyush's comments about me (they're close friends). Piyush really likes me, he's very sad that we started out so late and that he'll have to leave. He doesn't want to hurt me by making me sad. He really likes me. He thinks I'm so wonderful. Yippy skippy!

I called Piyush; he agreed to come over to my place at ten. I filled the time in between talking on the phone so I wouldn't have to be agonizing over how badly I couldn't wait for him to get here. He finally arrived, we had a drink--or five. Chatted, listened to music. He reiterated that I am a fantastic person and gorgeous. Dropped the phrase "seeing each other" in passing, at one point. Asked me when I could make him an omelette again, hee hee. No one can resist my kitchen prowess!

At one point, I looked at our arms next to each other. It was so beautiful how white I looked next to him, like a bleached bone. And he looked so dark next to me. We were like a Benetton advert. Part of the not-my-type about him is I don't go for dark-skinned guys ever. And here I am loving it. And I got all bent out of shape because Josh had brown eyes and I supposedly strongly prefer blue eyes. And yet I stare into Piyush's eyes like pools of melted chocolate... they are soft and kind and gentle like the eyes of a deer. Maybe that sounds strange, but it's mesmerizing and gentle and makes me feel safe and loved.

As expected, hardcore hooking up ensued (don't worry: it was all PG-13!). I was so so so into it. Loving every moment, completely anxiety-free. He initiated us moving to my bed (remember: PG-13!), removing my shirt on the way. "Hey, that's not fair!" I cried, ripping his shirt off. Tee-hee, look at me, wanton Hippo. More romping and rolling all over my bed; it was so doubleplusgood. I told him he was delicious and beautiful. He told me what all the charms on his Hindi luck chain signified. We cuddled, too. I don't think I asked him to stay over, but I might have. He didn't, anyway, but he left me with instructions to call him this morning to wake him up.

So after he left, I thought it necessary to celebrate the evening by eating two pieces of Dominos. I'm soooooo mad about that this morning, as you can imagine, since my stomach was a roiling pit of acid this morning. That always happens when I eat pizza while wasted.

So then this morning I freaked out within moments of waking. Not how you think, though. I freaked out because I'm afraid that Piyush won't want to hang out with me anymore during exams because I'm such a proverbial Devil on his shoulder with the drinks. (Kristen told me I must be working overtime since I'm the Devil on everyone's shoulder!) I'm worried that he'll feel the need to study without me as a distraction. I worry that he thinks I was too into hooking up with him last night, that I'm getting too into him in general, that I'm wanting to spend too much time with him. So I wrote him a jokey email this morning, promising to buckle down now that I've proven to myself that I can corrupt him at will. Don't worry, it wasn't all desperado and it didn't give away my freakout fit.

I am at school now and I'm going to study. Well, what I really want to do is go have a brownie sundae with peanut butter ice cream. However, I am torn because I called Piyush, as planned, when I was done with class. Left a message. What if he wants to eat lunch with me? (Dammit. Last slurp of diet Coke. Gotta go.)