T-Minus-2 Minutes

20:33, 16 April 2003

Still doing OK about Piyush, T-minus-2 minutes. I can't say I'm not tempted to break out the bottle of Reisling in my fridge. He didn't specifically tell me not to drink before he came to pick me up... eh, I'm just being stupid. I know it's a standing request. And it's not like I can't do it either! I had lunch with him sober, I was sober when he picked me up Saturday night.

I look pretty good: grey wrap skirt that hits in the thinnest part of the thigh (yes, there is a relatively thinner part!), retro-funky checked sort of shirt (better than it sounds) with deep V-neck. Drop necklace to highlight said V-neck. Tall black boots. I haven't had a drink, but my diet pills have kicked in by now and I'm typing like the wind. I know the doorbell will scare the shit out of me when it rings, because I'm so hyped up. I love being hyped up.

The only thing I'm unsure about is how the night is supposed to go. Are we getting drunk? How late are we staying out? I know he finished a big project today: a moot-court that he WON! Yay for him. So I think we're "celebrating," but what does that mean? I'll find out soon enough.

Best Friend

13:43, 16 April 2003

My best friend Kristen is in town from NYC (via her hometown of San Diego). It is so nice to see her--we just can't stop talking over each other because we have so much to say and share and laugh about. We think on the same brainwave, too, so sometimes we'll just call each other and be like: "I have to tell you what I just saw..." and we know the other will completely understand. My friendship with Lee-Ann doesn't even hold a candle to my friendship with Kristen. There's just no comparison; that's part of the reason I know I can't try to make Lee-Ann into a closer friend than she is. We're just don't think, react or communicate the same way.

Now I'm going to run around doing stupid errands like getting my pants tailored and buying pickles at Whole Foods. Wanna hear something so adorable? I'm going to go buy Bacardi and diet Coke at the store so that I can offer Piyush his favourite drink when he comes up to my apartment. Don't you all just want to barf now? Hahaha. Well, at least I'm in good spirits about tonight. Make sure to check back later when the pendulum swings back in the other direction...

Indecision

09:52, 16 April 2003

Despite all of last night's anxiety-ridden lamentations, Piyush never called. He IM'd me at about 19:30, telling me about all the work he was doing at the library, blah blah blah... all I heard was the screaming subtext We're not going out! You won't see me tonight! Hahaha, don't you feel stupid about wasting your whole day waiting for me? As my grandmother always told me: "a watched pot never boils."

He did, however, ask me to dinner tonight. I said: "What? No more work?" and he said: "Oh, no, I'll have tons of work 'till the end [of the semester], but I have to make some time for you." Ok, ok, so he made up for it with that comment.

Next, on autopilot, I called Lee-Ann to see if I could resurrect the pot/Domino's night. Which was retarded since I didn't even feel like getting high...but like I said, autopilot. Lee-Ann was stressing over our French paper so I went over there to work on mine, too. Of course, we ended up smoking and watching TV, as we inevitably do. Ha.

OK, so this morning has been a stress-fest of trying to decide where to go to dinner tonight. Last night Piyush told me I should just pick a place, wherever I wanted to go. He gave me absolutely no parameters, even when I begged for some guidelines... anything! Little does he know that he is challenging one of my biggest hangups. I have a natural tendency to subjugate my own will/desires to those of another person when I have a crush on that person or otherwise seek to have them like me. I want them to choose a place and I'll go, even if I don't like it. On dates, sure, I'll judge the guy on his choice--another reason I don't want to pick; if I'm judging, he must be judging too! And what does my choice say about me?

Some other factors in my anxiety are: what ambience? how "date-y" should it be? (how datey do I want it to be?) what price range? what food will he like? what will he think of me based on where I pick? what will he think I think of our fledgling...whatever it is that we have going here...based on where I pick? I was dying. The only two restaurants I could think of were California Pizza Kitchen and this fancy French place. Two extremes and my brain was a blank! Aaaaaaah!

Finally, after a a bit of research on restaurant sites and a consultation with Schoonie, my ever-wise source of male perspectives, I picked Morels, a French bistro/steakhouse in the Grove. I know he likes the Grove, and I checked out the menu and it has lots of yummy-looking options (including lots of drinks so I can calm the fuck down!). Actually, the more I think about it, the more genius the choice becomes, because we can walk there from my apartment (which worked out so well before!) and because it's in the Grove so we can stroll around afterwards and maybe catch a movie or something. So I feel very good about my choice now...