What's That Smell?

11:56, 30 April 2003

I was so dejected this afternoon that I stopped for coffee on the way home from school. I don't drink coffee. I don't really like it; yet it was the only thing I could imagine ingesting. I didn't know what I wanted but I wanted to feel better. I decided to go to the gym. Felt marginally better.

After the gym I went to The Grove. See, Piyush wanted me to get new perfume. Apparently, he doesn't like what I currently wear: Burberry Touch. He wanted me to get Contradiction or Tommy Girl. OK, it's one thing not to like my scent, but I found it disconcerting to be "assigned" to get a certain one... Who wore that before me? Who does it remind him of? He must like it for some reason... Anyway, Nordstrom did not have Contradiction or Tommy Girl, so I got Vivienne Westwood Boudoir. It's a totally sexy scent, but I'm totally freaked that he won't like it. I'll be really sad if I just spent $80 on a perfume that he doesn't like.

The problem is, I think, that I don't have a very attuned sense of smell. It's why wine tasting and the subtleties of food flavour are so difficult for me... I really just don't have a sensitive sense of smell, I think. So honestly, perfume is the least of my concerns. Piyush also wants me to get a better smelling shampoo. Now, I bet this has less to do with my current shampoo and more to do with the fact that I'm a dirty pig who doesn't like to wash her hair. Having a guy in my life means I need to get my lazy, scruffy ass in gear: regular leg shaving, no more grunge-head days, no scrub outfits. Not that I feel the need to be put together 24/7, but really, you have no idea just how "relaxed" I can get.

Oh, yeah, and I almost slipped on the "boyfriend" word today. Yipes. I was telling him about how funny the perfume-counter chick thought it was that I came in trying to remember specific perfume requests, since she thought it was for a friend. I told the perfume chick that my boyfriend had assigned me to buy them. And in relating the story to him, I almost used that exact phrasing. Like this: "...she thought I was buying something for a friend, and I was like 'oh, no, my-- this guy assigned me to get them..." Whoops! Haahah. I wonder if he picked up on that. I mean, what else comes after the possesive adjective "my"? Unless it's "friend." But I wouldn't have hesitated on that one would I? Hmm.

I wasn't quite done procrastinating, though. I went to Virgin Megastore and bought two new CDs: Evanescence and Ms. Dynamite. I cannot turn Evanescence off. It is mesmerizing... her voice can only be described as haunting and angelic, the piano behind her is inspired and delicate while the stronger fierce drums and bass sometimes swallow her like rough seas, ebbing to reveal her gently powerful voice.

So after all that, it was 19:00 by the time I got home. Piyush called and I lied and said I was working. I seriously considered going out to that party tonight, but I'm tired and I can't think of a reason why I even want to go. I took a shower, used a mask, moisturizer-massaged my feet... what else can I do so I don't have to start studying? See why I need Piyush? I'm aimless and uprooted without a steady person to latch on to. Everyone knows the waterskiier sinks without a boat to hold on to. I'm sinking.

Four Negatives

09:23, 30 April 2003

Today sucks. Let me count the ways.

1) It's 8:00 in the morning and I am absolutely exhausted. I'm going to go back to bed but I have to be awake right now to wake Piyush up. I didn't get to bed last night (this morning?) until 4:30. Yeah. I'll explain why later. But suffice it to say that today sucks because I'm tired.

2) It feels like I have swallowed glass. My throat feels like a festering sore. I am such a crybaby when it comes to being sick. So here I go, wah wah wah. I probably didn't help going to sleep so damn late and getting only 3 hours of sleep. Today = tea, soup and sympathy. Oh wait... no one feels bad for me. Sigh.

3. I just got a new mobile phone from Virgin Mobile. I've had the service for less than 24 hours and I'm pissed at them already. I had two simple requests. First, the phone I wanted, which wasn't available yet when I ordered online, is now available, and they "aren't able" to upgrade me to that one. Excuse me, idiots... I am asking you if I can pay MORE for a better phone and you won't let me? Second, I got assigned an 818 number, which I find decidedly unsatisfactory since I live in Los Angeles, not the stinkin' Valley, and I really do not want to be labelled a Valley girl by my phone number when I'm passing it out to the boys at the clubs.

In classic style, I got a bit assertive. I'm OK with assertive when it's over the phone (I used to get free pizzas from Papa Johns all the time in college because those half-wits used to screw up our delivery order (OK, OK, sometimes I lied to them and said they screwed up when they didn't--but I we were poor students! Poor drunk, hungry students!) and I'd call back and bitch that we got the wrong pizza. So they'd send a new one free and of course, it's not like they're going to take the old one back! Two for one! Two for one! heeeeehehehe) so I just said: "Well, that's too bad that I've been a Virgin customer for about five hours and I'm already dissatisfied with your service." That sent her scurrying off to her supervisor. And I'm getting my new phone. And my new area code. Don't fuck with an (almost) lawyer. I did Moot Court. Let's paraphrase Eminem, shall we: "So you don't / Wanna fuck with [me] / (Why?) / 'Cause [I] will fuckin' kill you..."

4. Today also sucks because I don't get to see my darling, as he is in Pasadena all day studying with Manbir for their International Business Transactions class. Which means I have to face a day alone with my Evidence outline. Sexy.

Mitigation of damages) There are some things that light up my life today. Like residual smiles from last night. After studying together all afternoon, we left the library to go to his place, ostensibly to study but really just to order take-away, cuddle up watching TV and make out now and then. Tee hee, I never knew studying for exams could be so much fun!

Do you know he ditches his friends for me all the time? We are constantly creeping around so no one knows we're going to dinner together and hanging out every damn night, so we don't have to invite anyone else along. Ha ahaha.

One negative about last night was that we were watching this horridly self-esteem-crushing show on E! called Starved, about skinny celebs in Hollywood. Greeeeeat. I had to hear him mention which actresses were soooo gorgeous. Gotta love that.

But on a positive note, we made out for longer than before and it was, again, nice. And stone cold sober, as it has been the last couple of times. Which bothers me not one bit. Anxiety check: none. Also, when we're cuddling on the couch, he's always hugging me closer or kissing the top of my head or holding my hand with our fingers intertwined. So my anxiety from the other day is again proven baseless.