Quitting Time

14:25, 09 June 2003

OK, I've decided to apply my obsessive resolutions to something other than food, for the time being. I am in a quitting mood right now. Monday always puts me in a quitting mood, after the excesses of the weekend. This time, I am quitting spending money. I will no longer spend any (of my own) money on anything other than the barest, barest essentials.

The barest essentials are so few that they can be catalogued here. Gasoline. Parking. Maid. Laundry. That's it. The end. If I keep up the trend until the end of June, I will have spent about $40 on gas, $8 on parking $40 on the maid, $5 (if that) on laundry. Which will put my debt at... oh... about $400. Dammit.

So basically, the pack of cigarettes I bought this morning will be my last extravagance. But Hippo, you ask, how will you maintain your alcohol addiction? Ahh, loyal readers, you underestimate me. I bought a case of wine on Friday. 12 bottles. Ok, fine, two are missing already. But still. I'm set for at least a week, right? Hahah.

[Brilliant segue goes here.]

Right now I'm in the library... um... not working. I'm still acclimatising myself to Monday. And it's 14:00. Oh, well. Piyush is here now. Looking quite sexy in a red Lacoste polo. Mmmmm. Smelling delicious, too, of course. He greeted me with a smirk: "Hungover?" "Yeah," I said with a laugh, "I was pretty shitfaced last night, huh?" So hopefully all my excessive loveyness can be excused by that. Lin told me that maybe it's a good thing that I was affectionate last night. I mean, he didn't seem to mind, and maybe it was the little kick we needed to get our relationship out of the funk of coldness and estrangement of the recent weeks.

Regardless, I'm still mad at myself for last night. I do remember asking him when we'd get to hang out and the answer is always "after..." After after after. AFTER YOU LEAVE, RETARD? Hmph, I say, stamping my foot and crossing my arms with a stubborn 5-year-old's expression. You know, now that I think about it, it may have been him I kissed last night. I know it was late enough in the night that he was there, anyway, and I don't know why I would have left his side, really. When could it have happened? When Marc went to the bathroom? When he dropped me off? Mysteries mysteries mysteries.

Right now he's working on his cover letter and resume. He's asked for my help a few times, which makes me feel really really good. It makes me feel needed. Appreciated. Valuable. Respected. I like feeling like he wants my help and my opinions. Because he's so smart and has it all together all the time that it's hard to imagine he would ever need anything from me. Him asking me for help is kind of a validation that I never got from him. Validation as a person, not a girlfriend. I suppose it is a little sad that I need proof that I am worth something to anybody. Who would come to my funeral?

Acrylics

Monday, 09 June 2003

Yesterday I was so drunk that I got acrylic nails. Well, the problem was less the drinking and more the drunk down-time in between drinking events. See, I was at a celebrity charity thing all day, and so I got a bit drunk by 6pm. Well, the afterparty wasn't until after 9, so I had a bit of time to kill. So I decided to get acrylic tips. Why, I have no idea. They're short and subtle but can you ever call fake nails tasteful? I don't think so. Sigh.

The celebrity thing was awesome. It was Angie's event, benefiting the Pediatric AIDS Foundation, for which she works. It was a carnival theme, with those games like bang some thing with a hammer and try to ring the bell, or climb in a big rolling thing and be a human bowling ball or bounce in the inflated castle. Whatever, you get the idea. I ran the soccer booth, with Chris Pratt from Everwood on the WB. Hot guy, I must say. Also Penn Badgley and Benito Martinez, neither of whom I had heard of. Oh, and later that new guy from Sex in the City came by... um... Victor Webster. What a hot empty shell he was. But overall it was wall-to-wall celebs and I was completely unfazed, which was fun.

So then, a bit shitty, I went home, got my damn nails done... what else did I do during that time? I can't even remember. Greeeeeeat. I definitely called Limes and Kristen 300x each. I also called Piyush and told him that I was going to an afterparty at Bar Marmont.

At Bar Marmont, I flirted with Angie's HOT HOT HOT model brother, JJ, who is only 21, I think. Maybe 22. Whatever. I'd rob that cradle, if you know what I mean. One of the guys there was a guy from Northwestern who I'd rejected when he asked me to his formal freshman year. I still remember writing about it in my journal at that time. I'll post it later when I'm not so lazy. Anyway, so I was in mad flitting flirting mode when Piyush and Marc showed up. What? My worlds collided, I tell you.

It was Marc's last night in LA. Piyush was, of course, tired. I had switched over to diet Cokes at this point because I was sooooo drunk. Still, I don't have a complete grasp of my memory but I do recall being all over Piyush, like, sitting next to him and holding his arm and kissing his cheek, etc. Ew. I hate being like that. All I recall is being lovey and you know I hate being lovey. Ugh. He drove us home and I remember being disappointed that he dropped me off first, that he didn't ditch Marc and come up to my place, etc. But I didn't say anything and that's a good thing.

I do recall making out with someone last night but I really do not think it was Piyush. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was not Piyush. Hmm... I wonder who it was. Could it be Charles, the guy from Northwestern? He did call me this morning at 7:30am when he was on line at Burger King, still wasted. Hmm, that's always nice. Could it be Pierre, the guy who I don't remember at all but whose email was in my inbox this morning? Was he the guy in red who I vaguely remember was talking incessantly to me as I sat on the chairs by Angie and tried to stop the world from spinning? Because he was annoying.

Several things annoy me right now. I am annoyed at anything stupid I did, said or almost said to Piyush last night, especially anything noncucumber, which is, I fear, everything. I am annoyed that I actually have work to do this morning and it's 9:30 and I'm not at school yet. I am annoyed that I am fat. I am annoyed that my apartment is a pigsty. I am annoyed that Therapist threw out her back and cannot see me today. I am annoyed by my nails and I hate them.